Believe in You
by Fogo
Summary: We were intrigued by one another; we yearned to taste the other if only for just a moment. And in the beginning of my seventh year, her sixth, we dared to try, dared to escape the sorrowful hallways into a fanatical world of our own.


Rating: T

A/N: Enjoy. This is a one-shot. My first Harry Potter fic. Flames are welcome. Please Review. It is based on Shinedown's "If you only Knew" Not Epilogue compliant DH spoilers

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Harry Potter or Shinedown's song.

* * *

_D-_

_I can't get away, Neville wants me to help free the first years again. I wish I could see you tonight. My house is depressing. No one carries a torch for Harry anymore; you should see it, the hopelessness in their eyes. I have to do what I can, I hope you understand. I'm happiest when I'm with you, but I feel selfish for being able to feel that way, especially now. _

_-G_

I still remember the first time I saw her, in that store, we were so young. I still remember how innocent she was, how vulnerable to manipulation. Even then, I felt the need to protect that small ruby-headed witch. Looking back, it's amazing how simple it was. Just to admire from a far. But then after time, we had to be close; we had to experience the passion that was within each other. We were intrigued by one another; we yearned to taste the other if only for just a moment. And in the beginning of my seventh year, her sixth, we dared to try, dared to escape the sorrowful hallways into a fanatical world of our own. Ginny was, is, my only light.

Times are hard; the war is raging on outside these thinly protected walls. Everyone is barely hanging on to the shred of hope that someday this war will end. I'm not sure anyone cares anymore who wins. My father, along with others in this castle, expect me to be cruel and uncaring towards Ginny's lot. And Ginny expects me to be who I am when I'm with her. I spin a web of lies and cover-ups to appease my family while staying true to Ginny. But, I'm barely hanging on to my thread. The time is coming when the pieces fall together and this war ends for light or dark. The time for me to choose is coming.

And for Ginny, I would fight against my father and along side Potter. I would sacrifice everything, my family name, my honor, my money, my life, to make Ginny my own. But I know that isn't possible. This is a romance for fairy tales. We meet in secret and in the beginning we sat in companionable silence. The words we couldn't bring ourselves to say would pass through our intertwined hands. Our intertwined hands soon grew to intertwined arms, lips, legs…

When we couldn't meet we would write, fervently, to each other to have some connection. To assure ourselves that what we felt wasn't some trick of the war. It was real, it was concrete, it was there and we could reach it.

I keep all the letters she's written to me and reread them when I can't see her. They are a safe harbor in the stormy waters of my mind. Over the last year, I've grown. I've lived more than the average boy, man, my age. I've learned, not just how to crucio misbehaving first-years, but to love and to develop my own opinions about the world. Not to say that I've let go of my past.

_G-_

_I understand. You have to do what you think is right. My house is the opposite from yours. The Carrows visit at night and there is jubilation even in the first-years. Third-year boys are begging to get the mark and He is even taking some of them. Slytherin is the "warmest" it's been in ages I suppose. Though, my dormitory is still cold. I wish you were here to help make it seem like home. _

_-D_

By now it must be almost dawn. Trust that wheezing sack of an owl, Errol, to deliver Ginny's owl four hours late. Nigellus, my large eagle owl, flies out of my dormitory with my response to Ginny and I turn over in my push bed. As head boy there are perks, but I only get these things because I am of the House of Malfoy. The Carrows are afraid of my father, and Snape, well Snape is a friend.

It three minutes past four in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't sleep much these days anyway. The only hours of sleep I get are when Ginny is lying next to me. Every time I turn over, I want to see her mass of ruby- red curls fanned out on my pillow, and catch a whiff of her strawberry shampoo. I want to curl my arm around her tiny waist and pull her lithe form against my body. I want to know she is tangible and real. She is the only stable thing in my life.

But, she is in Gryffindor tower which might as well be as far as America. The enemy lines are so thick in this school that the short distance is turned into rampant sea that is tiring to cross. When I try to cross I drown in the angst of the waves, but Ginny is there to bring me back to life. She breathes life into me.

She is everything that I am not, especially in this war. Ginny is the light side. She fights against the Dark Lord. She fights for the good in this world. I am a minion of the Dark Lord. He thinks I bed Ginny for the sheer sake of playing a blood-traitor. And I have to laugh; I have to agree with Him because he knows all. I am branded in his name. I have the mark and Ginny knows. She knows and doesn't care. But I don't, can't, fight for her side. I fight for the dark side.

I don't believe in either cause. Killing muggles and enslaving muggle-borns seems extreme but then again I do dislike the mudbloods. Ginny tells me I'm good. She says inside I am, and eventually I will see the right side even if I have to fight against it. Meanwhile, my father tells me that I am born for power and deserve to be above muggles. I don't know what to believe anymore. The only thing that I believe in is Ginny.

_D-_

_How could you not tell me? How could you go this whole time knowing that my best friend is in your basement being raped and tortured by death eaters? You held me while I cried time after time over her abduction. Do you like seeing me in tears? I was wrong. There is no good in you. You are just your father's spawn, a Death Eater. _

_-G_

I don't know how many times I've read this now and every time I can't seem to make it be a dream. If she only knew how many times I've replayed every conversation we've had about Loony Lovegood. Of course I knew she was being held captive in the Manor. I'd seen her there being tortured by my father's friends and even my father. But I knew if Ginny knew then she would be even more upset or worse, try and save her. Its better to have Ginny think Loony, Luna, escaped with her father than have her put herself in danger. Every conversation I would try and tell her. I really did. I would start to tell the truth and then I would see that look in Ginny's eyes. I couldn't bring her pain even if it was what was best for her.

She is gone. I mean she is still here at Hogwarts but gone from attainable distance. That sea between us had become an uncrossable ocean unless she tries to reach me too. I refuse to let her go though. I follow her to classes unconcerned with the strange looks from the Carrows or Snape himself. I just flash my mark and tell them it's my mission to tail to littlest Weasley, the biggest rebel-rouser at Hogwarts besides that Neville Longbottom kid. I will get her back even if I have to do the unthinkable.

So I address a letter:

Professor Lupin,

I heard you have wed my dearest cousin, Nymphadora, I hope you all the best with your newly born child Theodore. I am writing because I have desire to leave my family and fight for the Order. I know that I am not trustworthy but I have only the best intentions. Please know that I have not changed in my views towards muggles or mudbl, muggle-borns. I have changed though, because I have fallen in love with one of your lot. The Weaslette. Ginny and I had been seeing each other. As of late she is angry with me and convinced I am nothing but a D-Death Eater. Maybe I am, but you of all people should know about what a person will do for love. You married against your better judgment and I will fight alongside Potter against my better judgment. Please send your reply back with Nigellus, my owl, and tell me what I should do to help.

Draco.

* * *

Lupin's reply never came and time went on. Ginny has stayed angry with me and I have remained faithful to her. I write her letters every night but Nigellus returns with no reply. A Malfoy always knows when its time to cut your losses. And so I did with this one last letter. And finally she replied.

_D-_

_I don't regret any days I spent thinking of you, nights we shared, or letters that I sent. Even the last one. Please respect that. _

_-G_

_G-_

_It's after four in the morning and I can't sleep without you next to me Gin. I toss and turn trying to swim through this impenetrable sea you've put between us. I know if I drown tonight you won't bring me back to life this time and I understand why. But you have to understand why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to see you cry because you knew what was really happening. I didn't want you to put yourself in danger to save her. You are brave and you know you would have tried. I don't believe that I am a death eater, but I don't know that I am good. The only thing I believe in is you. _

_-D_

* * *

She never replied. I saw her in the halls but she never made eye contact and acted as if I just wasn't there. I gave up. But when I heard news that Potter had come back to the castle to fight the final battle I fought against her. I fought against potter, in the room of requirement but I didn't know what I was doing. Not as if that is an excuse. Crabbe died that night along with her brother, Lupin, my cousin, and countless others. I saw Ginny in the aftermath and for the first time she looked at me.

We made eye contact and it felt like I had been electrified and I could see she felt it too. But we did nothing. She slowly looked away back to her brother and I went faithfully back to my parents to await the aurors who would no doubt be arrest my father if not me too.

That night, I heard the familiar tap of a beak on my window at the manor. When the unknown owl dropped a letter on my bed I recognized the elegant scrawl.

_D-_

_I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I still hold on to the letters you returned. Reading them helps me learn a little about why we didn't work. But they also help me move on. Before you assume, I am not going to date Harry again. I could never date him after you. I don't know. You helped live and learn. I'm not sorry, don't write back._

_-G_

And I didn't. I was arrested with my father for the crimes I was supposed to commit in sixth year. I spent 2 years in Azkaban and the dementors could never knock me down because I had the happiest memory of them all.

* * *

It was almost a year after I had been out of Azkaban and was doing some business in Diagon Alley when I spotted the familiar ruby hair of the girl that once made my world spin on a different axis. I could tell she saw me too by the way her amber eyes widened in surprise and disbelief.

Before I had a chance to think, my arms were filled with this fiery witch. She was hugging me with more intensity than I had ever felt from her. She stood on her tip toes and whispered in my ear.

"I can't sleep without you next me I toss and turn like the sea. I hope if I drown tonight you'll bring me back to life. You are the breath in me. I haven't stopped thinking about you since the final battle. I miss you, I l-love you."

I smiled for the first time in three years and leaned down to kiss this witch that saved me. I whispered back.

"I still believe in you,"


End file.
